Present and Accounted For

There are people in the world who have gifts.  Michael Phelps can swim fast.  Stephen Hawking can think of grand notions.  My country's Prime Minister can make the world smell like a taint.  Each of us has a set of skills that can allow us to be better than we are.  An Olympian, a physicist, a butt kisser - all different, all famous, all known for something.

People learn to be what they are.  Someone had to take Michael to the pool.  Someone had to teach Professor Hawking math.  Someone had to acknowledge Stephen Harper is a douche.  Natural talent can not just be assumed, it needs to be, like the mushroom, given shit to do before it becomes part of the cultural salad that we toss each and every day.  

Of course, we all realize that not every salad has mushrooms.  The Waldorf salad has raisins and walnuts.  Coleslaw only cabbage.  The pipe dream that is a Cobb salad has no toadstool upon which to rest its laurels.  Ambrosia contains sour cream, as does the nature of encouraging ability.  Ultimately, the classic Three bean salad, begs the question, who the Hell would ONLY use beans to make a salad?

Gifts, like the appetizers we only pick at, are what we decide to make of them.  We are all very well aware that 1+1=2, but anyone who has ever had sex on a regular basis knows, sometimes 1+1 means you have to pee on a stick and panic for  5 minutes.  Einstein taught us this, he called it Relativity.  It is upon some of these very basic principles that men and women like Stephen Hawking have re-invented how we see the modern world, Thanks to him we now have new and more varied things we can do with our urine.  
We write our names in the snow that is civilization  and so create a new and pissier future for our progeny.  Our genius and bladders help mark the path of destiny.  We wet the appetites of society with industry and plumb our potential with the crap our ancestors left for us.  We hope to be flush, while avoiding the septic tank fullness that makes us all seek refuge in politics.

A great man said, "we stand on the shoulders of giants".  Anyone who has been to a rock concert is grateful for those shoulders and the boob flashing women who sit on them.  When a politician sits we know at least he can't bend us over his desk, and we find comfort.  When a politician takes a stand we wonder who he is going to get behind, and what bed they will share.   When a politician makes a promise, he/she prepares us to live with disappointment. 
In much the same way as we invented insane asylums and prisons, we invented politics to protect us. Politicians are a shining example of society solving the problem of what to do with people who have little or no idea of how to fit into society.  The gift they give to us is a cautionary tale.  An epic of greed, betrayal and incompetence that reminds us there are easier ways to be assh*les.  

So, enjoy your crap, use it to grow, and just remember, when you get that fecal feeling and you think there is no hope... there's always someplace you can share your sh*t and be somebody.  Just remember to wash your hands.  

DaBuoy