Birth of a Notion

The Church of the Daily Pragmatist

I have started my own religion.  Being as capable of faith, hope and love as any, I thought, I should impose my blind adherence to such on you.  Outlined below you will find the basic tenants of my Church, and with them the feeling you are small, insignificant, and wrong about yourself.

Every Religion has its COMMANDMENTS.  Since empirical evidence has observed that the modern human attention span is shrinking, we have only THREE. 

THE 3 COMMANDMENTS: 

ONE-      Be Honest

TWO-     Be Polite 

THREE-  DON'T be Stupid

FOUR- (BONUS COMMANDMENT) Make things BETTER

 1 Be Honest, 2 Be Polite, 3 DON'T be stupid, 4 (bonus COMMANDMENT) Make things BETTER

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Religions must mark the major events that occur to all of us.  Some refer to them as the "Hatch, Match, and Dispatch".  Others might know them better as BIRTH, MARRIAGE, and DEATH.  The Church has a simple, easy to remember prayer for each of these often "BLESSED" occasions.

 My RELIGION'S birth prayer... 

(after suitable gifts are given) "It gets colder than this... I doubt you will ever understand..."
My RELIGION'S funeral Prayer... 

(after suitable gifts are given)"We were all better for the experience... here's mud in your eye"

My RELIGION'S marriage vow... 

(spoken between bride and groom)  "I DO".. (spoken to the congregation)  "Live with it!"

My RELIGION'S Prayer of gathering...

I (we) don't care... They can GO FUCK THEMSELVES. 

sacrament (chosen by the individual) must be readily available, bring the user comfort, be inexpensive, AND consumable
tithing The Church of the Daily Pragmatist does NOT tithe ... instead, bring something to every occasion... (wine, a hot-dish, a song, a joke, love)
porn The Church believes there is no such thing as PORN, merely stimulus that allows us to better define our personal choices and preferences
sin any NON-consensual act between persons that eliminates choice and freedom

THE BIBLE MY Church's Bible is ANY book (chosen by the individual) that encourages and allows for the efficient eventfulness of The 3 Commandments

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Most people who have a religion don't know what they believe.  Their lives are filled with the insistent, incessant, chatter of stale thoughts and the crumbs of illusion that pass for salvation.   The Grapes of wrath make for bitter wine.  The wages of sin can't  keep up with the rate of inflation.  At the Macy's Day Parade of faith, Under Dog has developed a leak and he is pissing on the fire hydrant of our unconscious dreams.  The Church of The Daily Pragmatist, eliminates confusion by simply making indifference a recognised part of our lives.  We welcome Haters and Players, because if the 'game' exists, then we write the 'playbook' with our innocence and naivete, not our stupidity.  

Religion tell us we are alone and are judged constantly.  MY Religion makes us, not judges, but constructive critics.  The Siskel and Ebert of the film fest of existence.   So a hearty 'thumbs up' to those who doubt and deserve.  We are not alone.  We are human, we are alive, and at least we don't make things worse.  

Spread the word, Brethren and Cisterns...

I have a religion, what's YOUR excuse?

DaBuoy

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If you have any Questions or Concerns about The Church of the Daily Pragmatist, feel free to contact me at dabuoy@gmail.com